Sunday, July 30, 2017

Getting Over Feeling Like a Failure in Your Breakup

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. I know that when a relationship ends, we can sometimes feel like we failed. We failed to keep the relationship vital; failed to live up to the ideal of a perfect partnership; failed to be enough, work hard enough or provide enough to hold the relationship together.

For some, this can be more damaging than failing at say, a business venture.  Announcing to the world, “We split” may feel like saying “I’m a failure and I’m not good enough for a real relationship.”

Yet you can heal from the pain of feeling like a failure. This feeling can readily dissipate when you learn and accept these things:

• You are a human being having human experiences. Breakups are practically a universal experience. Do you know anyone who has NOT experienced a difficult breakup at some time?

• Life is all about changing, growing, and evolving.  A breakup is one of those changes.

• As you change, your experiences change and your relationships change as a result.

• When relationships feel good, that is the right experience for you at that time in your life.

• When relationships begin to feel bad, heavy or difficult, it means it is no longer the best situation for you at that time.

The ultimate lesson:

When a relationship ends it’s because the two individuals no longer are a match to each other as they once were. Doesn’t that feel like nature, life, God or the Universe (insert your favorite term) doing its best work?

The best relationship is a cycle, not a success or failure: we met, we matched, we grew, we changed, evolved, lived and learned. Then we were no longer a match in those aspects of life that make relationships work.

Only by moving on can you make the space for a better life.
– Peter Winslow

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Getting Over A Breakup

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. If you have recently been through a tough breakup, there are probably plenty of good reasons for it beyond the obvious (we fought all the time, we grew apart, etc.)  And when you finally realize that your relationship really needed to end, you can more easily let go of the heartache and misgivings that followed.

One of my recent life coaching clients related that when her long-term relationship ended, it took time for her to see how that was the best thing that could have happened. She didn’t know it then; at the time it felt like a ton of unnecessary pain and regret. Yet as the days passed she learned a lot from the experience, much of which helped her find meaning in her life, and one of her discoveries can help you do the same.

The basic lesson is this: the end of a primary relationship heralds your highest and best interest at that time. Ultimately, this means that whether you like it or not, the breakup was actually a blessing. It probably didn’t feel like a blessing, but in time it will.

You can now move onto sacred ground and discover how to capitalize on the “blessings in disguise” that come with the hard knocks of life, and that will lead you to important breakthroughs. You will grow in ways that other life lessons simply cannot afford you.

Begin with this towering lesson of spiritual significance: each trial and tribulation, every life lesson and labor we've endured, for better or worse, all point to our true purpose. This includes every fruitless or failed relationship you’ve had, and in a very big way. If this solemn truth is hard for you to swallow, then you haven't been paying attention to what is really important—and it’s time to change that.

–Peter Winslow

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Shift Happens 3

I’m life coach and success catalyst Peter Winslow. On the subject of “shift happens” we know that small shifts used wisely can bring great benefits. Now let’s make the rubber meet the road: is there something small, a humble gesture, a modest change in your activities, a slight shift in your behavior that will lead to where you’d like to be?

Maybe it’s getting out of bed 20 minutes earlier than usual. You can use that time to exercise, meditate or catch up on your reading. This small shift in behavior, taken cumulatively over a month or a year, will produce a huge outcome that can be literally life changing.

We all manifest the circumstances upon which our minds dwell. It’s a fact that what we think about, we bring about. Ask yourself this question: where is my attention most of the time? Consider this wisely and wake up to a new reality.

To live a happy, healthy, useful life, we must direct the majority of our attention toward that which we intend to experience. Your assignment is to find ways to see and feel your intention in real time, and experience it in ways large and small each and every day.

You don’t have to know how or why this works, just trust that it does and apply yourself to the process. Lay the groundwork, follow your instincts and prepare for success.

Remember that personal growth is a process, not a destination. In the garden of earthly delights, the process can be even more fun than the outcome.

 – Peter Winslow

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Shift Happens 2

I’m life coach and success catalyst Peter Winslow. Last time we connected, I mentioned a favorite aphorism of mine: shift happens. It’s an amusing turn of phrase, a wondrous truth, enlightening concept, and guide to personal fulfillment.

Following are two of the hidden principles that make your small shifts into big progress. These timeless principles are ancient and mystical, and today we have the power of modern science to confirm them.

The cardinal principles behind every comparative philosophy and world religion are strikingly similar. Many higher teachings include the seven universal laws that govern the cosmos; among them, the Principle of Vibration. This ancient principle says that absolutely everything is in motion, and nothing actually rests.

Ask a modern physicist and she’ll tell you it’s true. She knows that even a seemingly inert substance like rock is teeming with activity, as the sub-atomic particles within it swirl about in perpetual motion.

Add to this the Principle of Rhythm, which says that everything must flow in and out; all things rise and fall. A “pendulum swing” manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is equal with the swing to the left.

We see the Principle of Rhythm realized as the second law of motion in classical physics: for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. Or, as I like to say—shift happens.

A friend of mine once said if you’re being run out of town—get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade! Realistically and pragmatically we could say that, rather than resist the inevitable, anticipate the shifts and learn to make them work for you instead of against you.
–Peter Winslow

Monday, July 17, 2017

Shift Happens

I’m life coach and success catalyst Peter Winslow. I recently heard from a client who related this small bit of tall wisdom:

"Understanding who we are is so confusing. I learn many lessons each day and I’ve read many books about finding myself… yet I still feel lost. My heart wants to love and to give, but it can be really scary."

Sentiments like hers are messages straight from the heart. Can you relate?

It’s difficult to know “who we are” when who we think we are gets in the way. This “who we think we are” business is called ego, or the conceptual self. Its main purpose is to protect us from harm and embarrassment, and it does so by preventing change of any kind from happening in our lives.

The way to break through all that is to stop relying solely on your cognitive mind, and learn to trust your heart. This requires a small shift in your awareness.

Opportunities for small shifts loom everywhere. Some are clearly marked; others are hidden and challenging to understand. Sometimes you’re up for the challenge; sometimes you fear it. Your job is to trust that behind your emotional uncertainty is a heart of unerring wisdom. Your primary mission is to move in the direction that feels best to you. Move upward, forward or sideways, but move! Now you’re headed in a positive direction no matter where it takes you.

Next time we’ll discuss the vital principles that can make it all flow smoothly.
 –Peter Winslow

Monday, July 3, 2017

Breaking Up

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow, and the subject of my last entry was breaking up with a significant other. In that post we saw that our break-ups can signify a new beginning and lead to a stronger and clearer relationship with the most important person in your life—you.

To focus on the bright side of any breakup, use these helpful tips:

- Clean and organize your personal space

This helps you feel refreshed and prepared for new things to come. A messy environment can be stifling and depressing, and can increase mental stress. Keep yourself moving by organizing your space, which will enable you to focus and keep you from recycling past pain. As simple as this sounds, it really does help you feel better about things.

- Remove memory triggers

We are surrounded by "triggers" that can push our buttons without us even knowing it. As you clean and organize your space, be sure to remove everything that may possibly trigger a headache or heartache. If you have keepsakes which remind you of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping them, but put them away for later when you've had enough time to release the negative or painful feelings.

- Hold a symbolic ceremony

As you clean out your personal space, gather everything that reminds you of your last relationship and have a ceremony of closure. You can throw away the items, burn them (safely, please) or donate them to a deserving charity. As you do, give a eulogy to the relationship and express it out loud. You'll soon find that as you clear your space of things from the past, you create brand new space to receive what you truly want and deserve.

 –Peter Winslow

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Riddle Me This

I’m life coach and quizzer Peter Winslow, here with a puzzler you may find amusing. See if you know the answer:

You can’t fake it, but you can certainly hide it. You can’t buy or sell it, yet it is truly priceless.
When you display it, everyone wants it; you can't see it directly, but everyone recognizes it. And when you have it, you are much loved and often pursued for it. What is it?

Most people will chime in with answers like love, wisdom, or happiness. Some come to conclusions like integrity, compassion, character, honor, dignity, passion, altruism, and more along these lines. So, who is correct?

It seems to me that everyone is. And what do all their inferences have in common? We could say that they all demonstrate the qualities of what can be called “inner beauty.” So, what is inner beauty and more to the point—have you got it?

You have met people who seem to be overflowing with gratitude, poise, charm and other qualities of inner beauty. So, what was it about them you most admired? This is recognition of your own beauty, because we are not able to recognize subtle qualities in others which we ourselves do not possess.

As your inner light grows, you become more radiant on the outside. You look and feel healthier, happier, more vibrant and alive, brimming with passion and substance. You even become what we might call magnetically attractive.

The reward is much more than you imagine. It includes communion with the very source of life itself, and the ability to bring authentic love into this world. People then recognize their own inner beauty reflected in you, and that, my friend, is the definition of true love: the recognition of oneself in another.

 – Peter Winslow

Monday, June 26, 2017

“I Vant To Be Alone”

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. Without traveling too far into the distant past, I can remember a time when I was somewhat-to-very uncomfortable being by myself, and feeling alone.

Maybe you can relate to this. If you are anything like many of my life coaching clients, the uncomfortable feeling of being alone may be a critical factor in your own success and happiness.

In time, I came to understand that for me, these feelings occurred because I didn't really like who I thought I was—and more importantly, I didn't know how to change that. It all seemed very difficult and emotionally draining. Yet with time, the tide eventually turned. As with most things, in the end it all worked out for the best.

Case in point: let’s say you've just gone through a difficult break-up with a significant other and you're ready to move on. It can be very empowering to realize that moving on, in a sense, can mean coming back home to who you really are.

If you feel uncomfortable being alone, you might remain in a dysfunctional relationship long past the point at which you otherwise might have freed yourself. When you're okay to be with yourself, by yourself and for yourself, things can and do evolve for the better. For one thing, you become more attractive to other people. Ironic, isn’t it?

Think about it… if you don't really like to be with you… why would anyone else (at least a healthy anyone else) like to be with you? In other words, if you can’t stand being with you—who can?

Ask yourself the question: am I more attracted to someone who doesn't like to be alone, or to a person who is comfortable in their own skin no matter who they are or are not with?

With this awareness in our grasp, our break-ups can signify a new beginning and lead to new personal growth. And that is a very exciting prospect for anyone.
 –Peter Winslow

Friday, June 2, 2017

Spring Forward or Fall Back

I’m life coach and logician Peter Winslow. Here’s a topic for conjecture: as you may be aware, daylight savings time cascades across the land again this coming Sunday. But… why?
We in the Arizona desert have curried favor against adjusting our clocks to manufacture another hour of sunlight during the oppressive summer season. We've got enough sun as it is. So I wonder… if we were to turn the clocks back and not forward, would we actually receive less sunshine this year?
I find it curious that jinking the clock really does alter the circadian rhythms in our bodies. Of course we get the same amount of sunshine either way—but how we feel is the real issue, and sunshine does increase serotonin levels in the brain. So do you feel better yet?
People have long speculated about the effects celestial bodies have on human bodies. Consider the fact that the planet Mars is reversing direction in the sky right now, exiting retrograde and doing a complete one-eighty against the backdrop of interstellar space. Astrologers tell us this rare event means we are about to undergo dramatic changes in matters of romance and finance. They say it's all to the good—but what do you say?
I say that just because we Zonies don't adjust our clocks to save daylight doesn't mean we won't spring forward, throttle our obstacles and make the odds come our way.
In a song titled Thick as a Brick, Ian Anderson asked: “Do you believe in the day?” Belief is truly the one and only deciding factor in the matter of “daylight savings.”
 –Peter Winslow

Friday, May 26, 2017

A Powerful Secret 2

I’m life coach and success catalyst Peter Winslow. In theprevious post I shared a powerful secret that can lead you to achieve your goals much more quickly and effortlessly. The secret: align your goals with your intentions.
Here are three coaching tips on how to do so:
1. Does your goal feel right to you? If it feels like something you SHOULD want rather than what in your heart of hearts you really do want, it's the wrong goal for you.
For example, I've coached many clients who wanted to leave the corporate arena because it no longer felt right for them. That's because their values and intentions were no longer aligned with their corporate goals and what it would take to achieve them.
2. Make your goal less about acquiring possessions and more about helping others. It is not necessarily wrong or greedy to be driven by personal gain. If one of your intentions is to be wealthy, you will find your goals for prosperity perfectly aligned with your intentions.
For many, money or wealth is not a strong motivator, which simply means their intentions do not reflect money as a goal. However, there are many ways to create prosperity, and the best ways happen when you focus on increasing your service to others rather than fixating on how much money you collect from them.
3.  Success-oriented people use intention to create the lives they desire, and so can you. How? Learn to create the authentic feeling of already having what you want, and then prefer more of what you already have. Start small and watch what happens over time.
With the alignment of your goals and intentions, you have a powerful formula for creating the life you desire—and you are well on your way to living it.
 –Peter Winslow

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

A Powerful Secret

I’m life coach and success catalyst Peter Winslow here to share a powerful secret with you to help you achieve your goals more quickly and effortlessly. The secret: align your goals with your intentions.
Many of my life coaching clients will ask, “What is the difference between a goal and an intention?” 
Answer: an intention is an inner state of being identified by the “feelings” that drive us. Feelings are the way we "tune in" to the world.
Intentions identify how we live—be it with happiness, courage, loyalty, joy, compassion or whatever personal values are most important to us. Our intentions are internal motivators, the inner guideposts and ideals we feel good about and naturally follow.
Goals are a different thing all together. They are the specific and measurable objectives we consciously choose to direct our lives toward.
You birth a magical combination when aligning your goals with your intentions. Goals set by intentions are practically unstoppable, and there is no need for pushing, driving, or forcing yourself to achieve your goal because it feels completely natural to you.
When you think of a goal, you think of what is going to be achieved down the road and what actions you must take to get there.  A more effective approach is to "feel" your way to success, which occurs when you align your goals with your intentions. Your goal feels like it is already a part of you; you feel what it is like to already have it. That’s the “electromagnetism” that brings your goal to you.
Now your intention is present in every action step you take.  As you align your feelings and intentions with your goals, they are much more quickly fulfilled.
 –Peter Winslow

Friday, May 19, 2017

Substance and Fortitude

I’m life coach and success catalyst Peter Winslow. Today I have some compelling questions for you and you’ll want to consider them carefully.
First, are you a person of substance and fortitude?
Think on this for a moment. Set aside the trappings of ego, the part of you that tries to control what you believe. Really and deeply consider what I'm asking you here: how able are you to live a life of meaning while overcoming that which no longer serves you?
Next question: if you found a way to address every challenge in your life, a way that could provide stability and acceptance through every obstacle, would you use it? Of course you would.
What if every challenging situation you face—be it financial, health related, relationship, personal—could be resolved with a single asset? How much energy could you recover and redirect toward acquiring that which you really desire?
Such an asset exists, and the good news is—you will soon own it free and clear. It is called confidence.
Confidence is the key to undo the fear and resistance that have long stood between you and your dream. When this key is fully integrated and applied, your “problems” become little more than steps to ultimate power through personal growth.
The challenges that had seemed so terrifying are then recognized as the experiences you needed to identify and hone your character. Your job is to be confident, accept what your challenges offer, and calmly observe as they work their magic and then like old skin, organically fall away.
 –Peter Winslow

Monday, May 15, 2017

Carpe Diem

I’m life coach and success catalyst Peter Winslow. Today where I live we had an incredibly lovely morning, and I was certain to make the opportunity to get out and enjoy it.
Notice I did not say “take” the opportunity; I said “make” the opportunity. Opportunities are often a matter of our own making, and we who live useful lives seize opportunity as we please. We realize that opportunities abound at all times; the question comes down to when to seize and when to pass.
For example, we're frequently given the opportunity to share our own unique gifts and talents with others, and many times we choose to pass. Too often this is simply because we doubt ourselves or our abilities.
Your personal gifts are an intrinsic part of who you are and when you share them with others, you touch their lives in a meaningful way. This means that every gift you possess has the potential to bestow opportunity on someone else.
To share your gifts with others is to demonstrate an understanding of the self. Are you blessed with the talent to awaken beautiful emotions in others? Do your aptitudes reveal more practical advantages? Your natural ability to listen, to cook, to crack people up, to organize, garden, or think outside the box can greatly empower the people around you.
Our inner gifts are a means through which we can make the world a better place. It’s as simple as this: by doing what we love to do, we provide useful opportunities to others.
 –Peter Winslow

Monday, May 8, 2017

The Real You

Hello, I’m life coach and communications expert Peter Winslow. I have a question for you, and I’d like you to pay attention to your own response. Here goes: When people watch closely and observe how you interact with them, do they ever see the real you?
We may see your facial expressions, the way you address and avail yourself to people, even your body language—but what's going on at a deeper level? What are you communicating to us with your actual presence?
Are we indeed more than our bodies, thoughts, and material experiences would lead us to believe? Do we also have an invisible dimension that broadcasts our intentions to the world?
We may not be consciously aware of it, but in the midst of body and mind is the very essence of that which comprises the wholeness of being, an aspect that spiritual masters often refer to as the “true self.” Every time we interact with others in a tangible way, they say, on deeper levels of being an invisible exchange of tacit communication is taking place.
Are you aware of what you unconsciously communicate to the world? Whether you know it or not, others feel you and there's just no way to fake it. That's a good thing, as we now appear to be moving through an era where the old manipulative practices and concocted illusions just won't fly anymore. The time has come to reassess our intentions, adopt new practices and raise awareness of our authentic selves.
 –Peter Winslow

Monday, May 1, 2017

Luck of the Draw?

Hello I’m Peter Winslow, a life coach in private practice. In my practice as a life coach I often encounter people eager to maintain that “luck” is the most powerful indicator for personal outcomes regarding an individual’s health and wellness.
It’s all due, they say, to the environment into which we’re born into. It’s the luck of winning or losing the genetic lottery; the fortune of whom we meet and who comes into our lives on a personal level; the grace of which tax bracket we fall into; on and on it goes.
Still others will tell me there's no such thing as luck—yet they’ll agree it sure feels like an apt descriptor of the conditions and situations they find themselves in.
As for outcomes, it is readily apparent that people look to the future from the perspective of their previous experiences and current circumstances. When being unhappy, the future is dim and `challenging; when joyous and elated, triumph is all but carved in stone.
The difference is found in our own personal biases which determine how we feel about whatever actually occurs. Knowing this, it becomes obvious that we tend to attract what we expect and therefore focus on. The upshot here? The days to come will be great for those who create greatness within themselves.
As such, nothing happens to you, until it happens through you. You are the filter through which your current experiences pass from perception into reality. The wise have often written that we always stand at a fork in the road; we choose our path and can only experience the result of that choice.
Which path will you choose?
 –Peter Winslow